The Unborn Love
Miscarriage is the most common of the four types of pregnancy loss (miscarriage, stillbirth, birth loss, and abortion). A majority of miscarriages happen before the 12th week or by the end of the first trimester; many women miscarry without having realized they are pregnant. The reasons can be anything from ectopic pregnancies to the death of a baby soon after it is born. The affected group is large and diverse. And the effects — at times invisible, at times denied — are just as diverse.
The word pregnancy brings to mind images of smiling, gurgling babies. To some, it’s the image of the glowing mom-to-be. The myriad of questions regarding conception that a young woman faces soon after marriage — the frequency and underlying fervor of such questions — imply that pregnancy is somewhat sacred and nothing short of a blessing. To the couple, pregnancy represents the pinnacle of life after marriage.
So, what happens when there is a pregnancy loss? The soon-to-be-parents feel cheated out of a wondrous, natural experience that was to be theirs. In the blink of an eye, all their dreams are shattered, and their hope for a family is lost or temporarily put on hold.
Often the couple and close family members are left psychologically and emotionally distraught, the severity depending on factors such as duration of pregnancy, history of similar incidents, duration of married life, and support after the pregnancy loss.
Sometimes, a miscarriage also causes misunderstandings between partners since each person expects the other to react similarly. Furthermore, the fear and rejection among women who are made to feel the loss of a child were their fault makes them feel isolated.
For an experience that is medically and logically speaking beyond a person’s control, it is surprising to note the stigma surrounding miscarriage, even today. While some women can put aside their feelings and move on, others find that they need weeks or even months to fully function again. In fact, a woman who had more than one miscarriage would react differently to each event. This might make it challenging for those providing support.
Unfortunately, the ideology of blaming the expecting mother is deeply ingrained in our minds and made all the worse by the culture of silence surrounding it. Women are rarely prepared for the profound psychological effects of miscarriage and often tend to blame themselves. This constant worry and the inability to discuss the issue can ultimately lead to emotional breakdown and psychological disorders.
A multi-level approach to miscarriage which involves support and education for women, their families, and healthcare professionals, may help minimize the extent of women’s distress after miscarriage by promoting social change and eliminating the shame associated with it.
While there is the risk of emotional distress when discussing sensitive topics, the literature suggests that women may, in fact, benefit from the opportunity to talk about their experiences, and most of them would appreciate the chance to have their stories heard openly and taken earnestly.
In hopefulness, I expect the same.
